Lola

When my brother and I were in our early teens, one of us (I forget which) bought a Kinks album.

I met her in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Cherry Cola C-O-L-A Cola

We played it so often we learned all the words by heart, and LOLA was one of our favorite songs.

She walked up to me and she asked me to dance.
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said, "Lola"
L-O-L-A Lola, lo lo lo Lola

Isn't that a great line? In a dark brown voice she said, "Lola". Gorgeous.

Well, I'm not the world's most physical guy,
but when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Lola, lo lo lo Lola, lo lo lo Lola

We thought she squeezed his spine that hard because she was so enthusiastic about meeting him. Sweet.

Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
why she walks like a woman and talks like a man
Oh my Lola, lo lo lo Lola, lo lo lo Lola

We surmised that Lola sounded like a man because she was talking loudly. They were in a club and she needed to speak above the music.

Well, we drank champagne and danced all night,
under electric candlelight,
she picked me up and sat me on her knee
She said, "Little boy won't you come home with me?"

This was an age of women's lib, right? So why wouldn't she invite him home. Sounded perfectly normal to us.

Well, I'm not the world's most passionate guy,
but when I looked in her eyes,
I almost fell for my Lola Lo lo lo Lola, lo lo lo Lola

We sang along with the lyrics nearly every day for months on end.

I pushed her away.
I walked to the door.
I fell to the floor.
I got down on my knees.
I looked at her, and she at me.

We had heard about transsexuals and transvestites, we had even seen at least one in person one before, but we didn't connect it with sexuality at all. We probably thought it was just about odd fashion sense.

Well that's the way that I want it to stay.
I always want it to be that way for my Lola.
Lo lo lo Lola.

At this age I think we would have been a bit more savvy. We were city kids, we had friends that knew stuff. Why didn't we know anything?

Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls.
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world,
except for Lola.
Lo lo lo Lola. Lo lo lo Lola.

We really thought at the time we understood what these lyrics meant.

Well I left home just a week ago,
and I never ever kissed a woman before
Lola smiled and took me by the hand
She said, "Little boy, gonna make you a man."

I wonder if other teenagers were just as clueless, or if it was pretty much just us.

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man,
but I know what I am and that I'm a man
So is Lola.
Lo lo lo Lola. Lo lo lo Lola.

I wonder if that level of naivete still exists today.

Stalked

There is a bird stalking me.

OK, I realize that sounds more than a little paranoid. But I swear, this bird is one determined fowl.

It started 2 summers ago. I heard peck-peck-pecking in my laundry room. When I opened the door, I saw a bird hanging on to the top of the window frame with one foot, pecking at the window pane with his little beak. At the time I thought it was kind of cute. Awww...look, the widdle birdie wants to say hello. Hello, birdie.

This went on all summer. Only the widdle birdie was now pecking at several different windows in my house - all the windows that do not have screens in them. Peck-peck-peck.

He (she?) went away by the start of autumn, but has returned each summer to annoy the hell out of me. What on earth does this bird want? Is it the same bird, or maybe it's the 2nd or 3rd generation of the first bird? Aren't there other people to stalk? Why would a bird want to get in a house anyway?

It isn't the pecking that annoys me. It's the poop. It's really gross.

Nature really is for the birds.