Stranger Danger
My little girl is the friendliest person I have ever known. It's amazing to see her approach nearly everyone in her path, whether they be a haggard old homeless person or a child her own age with the same thrill and enthusiasm. I'm a bit shy by nature, and so is my son, so it's almost comical to see us nearly bow our heads in embarrassment and feign polite smiles while my daughter fearlessly introduces the entire family and tells her life story. It's also very scary.
I can't begin to count the number of times she has invited people over to our house. I tell her afterward, "You can't invite people over!" She says, "Why?" in a most perplexed voice. I say, "Because we don't even know their names. They are strangers." This means nothing to my little girl.
Some strangers great my daughter's friendliness with cheer in return, some ignore her, and others really don't know what to make of it. I notice that as she gets older (she's 4 but pretty tall for her age), many people, especially other mothers, shoot me a look of concern. I understand the look to mean, "This is dangerous."
Yes, it is very dangerous. I have nightmares right in the middle of the day of my daughter slipping away from me, only to be quickly lured by promises of candy or puppies, or simply a bit of friendship. Right now my biggest concern is how to create a little fear into my innocent little girl. I feel like a big ol' meanie, a Mr. Grinch, but I don't see any way around it. I've got to make her a little bit afraid of people. I just don't know how, or even it that is very wise.
I've spoken to other mothers, friends of mine who have children, and they say to do it, instill the fear, make them afraid. Exactly how healthy is this? I don't know. I'm confused.
posted by It's Just Me @ 10:14 AM
4 Comments:
This has always been hard for me, too. I have a hard time with the "Never talk to strangers" thing. My Boy knows not to talk to strangers when Mom and Dad are not with him, or if we tell him not to. We've had lots of the "adults don't need help from children, so don't be fooled by the 'help me find my puppy' routine" talk, the good/bad touching talk, etc. But gosh, I don't think there are any straight answers here. I'll be interested to see what others have to say.
Well, i think i used the "instill the fear" technique. I didn't really approve of this technique but i couldn't seem to get the message across to my kids any other way. It's hard to give you advice. I guess every mom does what she thinks is best.
I left a long post this morning, but I see blogger was acting up and it is gone....so basically what I said was that I had a friend who took the tactic "intill fear" and had a good friend of hers that the child did not know come to her yard and approach the child and then took the child in the car with her in hopes of scaring said child. She said it worked for her. I'm not sure I agree with that method but as a mother I have learned that I am not an expert in mothering and there are different ways of doing things than just my way.
Good luck!!
Cheryl - I really like the "adults don't need help from children" logic. Very common sense but I never thought to discuss it. Thanks!
Evangelia - I feel the same way. I can't think of another effective way to do it. There is way too much at stake.
Martie - Wow! Talk about extreme parenting. I bet your friend's child never forgot that. Not sure I'd ever do the same, but I have to admire the approach.
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