Scotty, beam me up

I love Yoga. Love it. I've been practicing on a regular basis for about 6 or 7 years now, and I learn something new every time I go to a class or I use a new DVD.

Yoga keeps my muscles toned and flexible, and it clears my head. Most importantly, it puts me in touch with what is happening with my body - it shows me where all the negative tension is stored, and it gives me a way to eradicate it.

I have gone into yoga classes in the most foul of moods, and have exited serene, yet strong, both mentally and physically. Also, I've got some bad spinal discs, so yoga has become responsible for keeping my aches and pains under control and keeping my body fit (well, not totally fit, but better than it would be without any exercise at all).

So anyway, I start going to a new yoga studio that's a bit...odd. I should have seen the warning signs right of the bat, but sometimes I am quite dense. It takes me a while to figure things out.

The first tip-off is that the woman who owns the studio goes by the title "Yogini". She is Yogini Dolly*. That's how she refers to herself, and that's how she is addressed. All of the yoga teachers who work for her go by the Yogini title as well.

Now, I know this is a valid title. These teachers are great at what they do, and they have gone through all the study and practice to become certified in their field. But no other yoga teachers I know have used their title. It sounds just a little pretentious to me, but honestly, I really don't judge it at first. Who knows? Maybe I would do the same thing in their postion, though I kind of doubt it. Whatever.

The second tip off is that students participating in the classes must wear all white clothing. No color at all - pure white. When I tell my husband this, he asks, "What is this, a cult!?" "No!", I exclaim emphatically. I maintain that the studio is just really into background and beliefs that go into the particular style of yoga they practice, and I explain the theory behind wearing white. I have no problems with it at this point, other than the fact that I have to go out and find white yoga pants. Lovely. I love showing my ample derriere in the most unflattering way imaginable.

The third warning sign has to do with chanting. The chanting is about living peacefully with ourselves, others, and the world around us. It has to do with praising the creator of the universe. I'm OK with this. I choose not to join in, not only because I don't know the words, but because that's simply not me. I'm not uncomfortable hearing it, in fact I rather enjoy it, but I would be very uncomfortable participating. However, I do start to feel uneasy when the teacher keeps handing me printouts of the chants and nudges me to join. Uhhh....no. I don't think so.

Still, at this point I'm fine with the weirdness. The classes themselves are very good, and like I said, I really enjoy yoga.

The fourth and final warning sign, the thing that has really got me thinking, maybe this studio is not for me, is the music they play during the final resting portion of the practice. It goes something like this: Hari Krishna, Hari Krishna, Hari Krishna.

I am so out of there.

*Name changed to protect the Yogini